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past&present speak up crédits basecode: detonatedlove♥ pictures: photobucket designer: vanessa |
Friday, February 16, 2007
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pre-valentine and The V day
You always think that it’ll never hurt you. But it’s never true. You always want to find out the reason behind it, you say its okay, and I just want to know. I’ll be fine, don’t worry. However, in actual fact, you will somehow or rather be hurt by it. No matter how, you can’t deny the feelings, the inner feelings in you. After knowing, you somehow have a tinge of regret, you are angry with the world, you are angry with yourself for succumbing into your curiosity of finding the truth. You just want to pretend it never happened, you never knew, you DON’T WANT TO KNOW. Thinking that you had learnt your lesson from previously, now, you just have licked your sore wounds and new wounds all by yourself. ALONE. To think I had already learnt my lesson. But no, I just had to give my opinion. Even when knowing it will fall on to deaf ears. Haix.. Why do I even bother? Seeing them trying out clothes and shoes, make me felt extremely empty. I am happy the fact that they bond so well, but at the same time I felt sad. I didn’t know the reason, but I just felt extremely left out. I mean, I have known both of them for a long time, but…… I don’t even know what the hell I’m talking about. Sometime I feel that I’m the third party of the household. Maybe I would be happier if I move out; maybe I wouldn’t feel left out; maybe I’m just destined to be alone. Nobody actually would understand how I feel. It’s not like I’m spoilt, but I just want to be apart of certain things, I don’t like being left out, I don’t like not knowing about certain things, I don’t like not understanding what the hell they are talking about. I want them to actually listen to me, it’s not like I want control over them, but what’s the point if they want me to advice them but after that they do 180degrees from my advice? Isn’t it better if they had just gone ahead with what they had already planned? Seriously, why do I care? Why do I bother? Why must I always be taken for granted? Am I asking too much? Am I being a spoilt brat? Can someone tell me? I feel like the hunchback of Notre Dame or maybe even far worse. At least he has a place of his own and can do whatever he wishes. Me? Ha! Oh well.. at least maybe I have my bed? Just maybe. Enough of certain emomo stuff.. anyways, while doing our homework at 9.30pm, darling Flora of mine randomly suggested we go out for a drink to celebrate the early valentine. So we got dressed up in all black to mourn for Saint Valentine.(ahahahaha) and sat a cab down to Jalan Telawi to La bodega. We ordered tapas and some cocktails. Flora had a Skyy Blue, Alea had a Cosmopolitan and I had a Strawberry Daiquiri. However, after the drinks arrived, Alea didn’t like her drink – she said that it tasted like cough mixture. And mine tasted like some kiddy drink. So we exchanged!! Woo-hoo.. Hers had vodka in it. Yeah!! After eating and finishing our drink, the two hungry ghost suggested hopping over to Burger King for supper. So we went over and they ate. I went to 7-11 for some Actal and top-up credit. We went home after they finished their supper. Oh and yes.. I had super red and had blood shot eyes as usual after drinking.. I think I was too sober for a long time. Scary, but I wasn’t drunk so nothing to worry about. We reached home around 1.30am.. (pre-valentine day and wee morn) Today is Valentine’s Day. So what? Who cares? It just another normal day, it’s the 14th of February. Why do you need to wait for a certain day of the year to celebrate your love? Or proclaim your love to another person? Why do people want to make a fool of them on this day? Isn’t just ridiculous? Besides, today has been overly commercialize and doesn’t have any special meaning anymore. People might mistake the fact just because I’m single and bitter for the reason I say such. However, take a little while to ponder about it properly. All you see around you on this day is: (a)Red roses (b)Teddy bears with hearts saying “I love u”, “Be mine”, “I <3> (c)Ferro Roche in bouquets. (d)Chocolates in heart forms and red wrappers. (e)Red hearts Angles in baby form with a bow and heart pierced arrow. I mean isn’t so predictable? Even way before the day you already know what to expect. Where’s the surprise and thrill of the day? GONE! It’s been spoiled by the society of today. It used to be something awaited but nowadays it’s a day to spend more money and waste of time. People complain of being lonely on Valentine’s Day because they broke up their partners. I mean what the fuck? What about me? I never had a partner? So what the hell are they winning for??? Oh well, it’s just a personal opinion, not like it matters what I say or think anyways. After all, I’m just a minuet, insignificant being. ------------------------------------------------------------ Anyways, I found out the actual topic about the bitching of me, but I just couldn’t bring myself to ask how did it landed on me and why were they actually talking about me. In actual fact, I’m afraid of finding it out. I don’t want to know how it actually led to the topic. I’m afraid it might be something ugly that I might not be able to accept. But. Would I be able to not succumb into my own curiosity? It scares me to think of what they might have said. In my little heart, I pray and hope ever so dearly that it was the alcohol talking and not them. God, Please give me the strength to carry on with my life, Please bless me with your grace to forgive myself and them, Please enlighten me with your knowledge; Bless me, bless them, Fill me with your will and power. And I, Thank you for giving what I think I own now. Please bless and protect them. That’s all I seek from you. AMEN! Labels: drinking, lesson learnt, valentine's day |
THE girl
 its me I dreamed a dream in time gone by. When hope was high and life worth living. I dreamed that love would never die. I dreamed that God would be forgiving. Then I was young and unafraid. And dreams were made and used and wasted. There was no ransom to be paid. No song unsung, no wine untasted. byes(:
nenek(stephanie) munmunie(waimun) jen(sujen) vaggie(joylyn) chowchow(sa ra) Roomie(alea) Monkey(Lina) Shanlei(esther) Kath(katheryn) President(karleng) Pretty stuffs!!(Yilin) Kimsng(Kimmy) W3!(weiyan) W3!(weiyan) Lynn(suelynn) Melly(M el Tan) Qabir The Flasher(Jason) Ming Si wei Wendy Vineeta Sarah Chen Sarah Camariah John Lee Sabrina K Pei Jean Balqis Unite For the Children! (unicef) 
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