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past&present speak up crédits basecode: detonatedlove♥ pictures: photobucket designer: vanessa |
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
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food for thought.
remember last year this time? all of us would have been studying for our exams and pondering about what are we going to do in the coming year.. well, it's been a year. next year, same time, where would we be? what would we be doing? will the friends we made be our friends still? same questions as the year before. look at the irony in life. no pun intended. i was talking to someone the other day and it struck a cord in me. He said, "I HAVE friends who i call friends. Friends who i can count on. Friends who i want to remember and be remembered. Friends that i do not want to remember." "do i have friends i call friends? friends that i can count on?" it makes me wonder about the superficiality of our society. like in Frankenstein, the pursuit of knowledge is good, but ultimately, it destroys too. hence, do i really want to know? Superficially, i KNOW i have friends. however, the ultimate question is whether could i count on them when i need them? I think i do. you know whenever i exclude myself, it's because of you. your actions and reactions. Then he continued saying, "We put a distance or mental block to the people around us as time progresses (in our current programme..) so that we won't hurt ourselves in the near future. Since we know that we will most likely end up in different place doing different things. 18months is a short period of time, but it's not too short to form friendships. However, we would just like to spare ourselves from the pain of leaving the friendship." Ain't human being funny? we form friendships and in the end distancing ourselves from it? and sometimes, we are just so comfortable with the bubble we are in that we totally forget about the people around us. even if you don't mean it, you seem to exclude the other group of people from the bubble you are in. sometimes you are so oblivious to it that even the others shows it out, you don't realize it. it's hard when you are comfort zone, but the others have feelings too. yes, YOU do that. don't you noticed it? well, i DO. Why do we hide our feelings? if it's not alright, then SAY IT! ok, i know i never dare to show some of my feelings in me. however, some people do seem to know how to read other people feelings better than others. i believe that person is really observant. it's a shame that we live in a society where superficiality conforms our mind. it's downright sick. we can't show what we mean or feel and we are suppose to suppress our dislikes and emotions to bend to others. Saddest part is, when we think we could shed that part from our "clique" if you must call it; it backfires. they say you are just a "drama-queen" or "emotional" or "hyper-sensitive". it's really nice when at sometimes your "friends" actually could read your mind/feelings. but it hurts when they are the cause of it and yet, they do nothing about it or just pretend it doesn't exist. worse is, they say the problem is YOU and that you are supposed to change your mind set. It's not ok. even if we often say "it's ok". yes, I'M FREAKING TALKING ABOUT YOU. YOU DO UNKNOWINGLY OR KNOWINGLY. Why do human beings strive for attention? are we that deprived from attention that we have to find other means of attracting attention? or, is it more like we crave for ACCEPTANCE? It's hard to be low in self-confidence. you are not helping. recently, i have never felt accepted, but i felt being there by default. I hate it. I REALLY hate it. Aren't we humans just sad? we are never happy with what we have but lament about what we don't. If only we were just satisfied with what we have, probably life would be brighter and satisfactory. Problem being, it isn't fair that you get that sort of lifestyle. maybe i'm just envious. Tension builds when you are forced to stay in a confined place with someone with contrasting personality. but, try so fix it or at least understand each other. I'm willing, are YOU? I exclude myself from you all and make myself seem busy is so that i can be in denial that i'm actually being excluded. Don't worry, i'm not blind or oblivious like some people, i ACTUALLY know when i'm not wanted or needed. Don't lie to me, because I'm already lying to myself. 如果世界太危险 只有音乐最安全 带着我进梦里面 所有美好回忆记录在里面 让各自都实现. |
THE girl
 its me I dreamed a dream in time gone by. When hope was high and life worth living. I dreamed that love would never die. I dreamed that God would be forgiving. Then I was young and unafraid. And dreams were made and used and wasted. There was no ransom to be paid. No song unsung, no wine untasted. byes(:
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