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past&present speak up crédits basecode: detonatedlove♥ pictures: photobucket designer: vanessa |
Sunday, December 02, 2007
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Cross Roads.
disclaimer: emomo rant/highly confused, random post. and no. I'll not be blogging on Britney Spear's lame movie. I am at the crossroad in my life. Ask me 1 month ago what I wanted to study in my future studies, I would be able to immediately tell you. However now, I thought I knew what I wanted to read as my future studies. note the word "THOUGHT". I serious thought I knew. however, as time goes by, I feel like as though I have been deprived from the knowledge of other fields of studies. Never have I thought that there were a world far bigger than the one thought and drawn for me. As a child, I have always been told that since I could "talk" and I liked to "read", I would be a good lawyer. To add on, I didn't really fancy the science subjects besides physics. I wanted to be a lawyer having the impression that I was "made" for that profession, but now I realize that I was not given a choice. To say the least, probably influenced to be a lawyer. I know I have always been fickle minded. It's bad. I KNOW. However, this time I know for sure, I do not want to study in UK. I want to study in the US. Reason being, I'm jaded with the UK's system. I feel really suffocated right now with having the choice to choose between either to further my studies in the UK or the US. The right thing to do is to follow my parent's wishes to continue in Law and go to the UK and study. But, the right thing for ME, is to go to the US and study under an undeclared Major. Probably something under the Humanities, I can't do Law as my first degree as it is a second degree. Right now, I'm really confused. Am I to do which right thing? Should I be selfish? Aren't all human beings selfish? Problem being, my parents are the ones that will be funding my studies. Should I because of that forgo my own dreams and wishes? I know that I should talk to them before I make my decision, but would they listen? They had always put so much hope on me, I'm really afraid to ruin their one and only hope. Parents would normally support their child in whatever they wish to do, but as their child, shouldn't we try to bring them happiness too? If I choose to study Law in the UK, I will start my twinning straight away next year September. That will mean, I have never taken any break from studying since primary 6. If I choose to study in the US, it will mean I have to take a study break for a year, sit for my SATs and apply for Uni/Colleges' Fall'09. It also means, I will be having a year to myself. In the eye of the Asians, wasting one year of your life doing nothing. I really hate making decisions. I hate standing at a crossroad not knowing which one to choose. I am more afraid of making the wrong choice in life. We learn from our mistakes. That is true, but what IF, the mistake I did is something so severe it's unredeemable? [here we go with all the what IF questions. it's never ending.] I'm so confused right now that I'm not even sure what I want to study in the future. The scariest part is, I have to make my decision within 5 months. "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I'm sorry I cannot travel both." Robert Frost, "The Road Not Taken". I know that I have to within the next 5 months come up with a decision. I just really sad that I can't travel to both countries to experience the two diversed culture. I wished that I would be brave enough to follow what the poem ended with. As nothing ventured, nothing gained. "I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference." We always asked the question "what IF?". As ironic as it may sound, it always takes place right after we committed a mistake. "If you can dream—and not make dreams your master; If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim, If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two imposters just the same:.. .. If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss" Rudyard Kipling, "If-" I really would like to master the written "Ifs". Don't you feel that Kipling's poem touches so much on the will, strength and stupidity of man? well, I do. however, it's optimistic. "If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew I will HOLD ON!To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!" " "Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it." Labels: crossroads, decisions, Robert Frost, Rudyard Kipling |
THE girl
 its me I dreamed a dream in time gone by. When hope was high and life worth living. I dreamed that love would never die. I dreamed that God would be forgiving. Then I was young and unafraid. And dreams were made and used and wasted. There was no ransom to be paid. No song unsung, no wine untasted. byes(:
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