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Wednesday, April 18, 2007
//♥ thoughts and reasonings
4/18/2007

i don't know what the hell is wrong but this random thought just came into my mind when someone came home.

"am i feeling this way because i'm lonesome, unwanted, jealous and envious?"

and,

i came up with reasons to that thought,
  1. yes, i feel lonesome. (i am single you know? but then again, i have "friends")
  2. yes, i feel envious. (i just feel like some people are just boasting about their popularity sometimes, may it be true or not.. heck cares. i don't like being unnoticed. then again, i rather be behind the scene sometimes, but not all the time. it makes me ponder why do some people get noticed all the time?)
  3. yes, i might be a tad jealous. (how can you not feel jealous when people keep complaining about their "shortcomings" at the same time all you want to have is 50% of what they are complaining. then again, maybe they feel better complaining to you about their "shortcomings" because they would feel better because you are far worse than them.)
  4. yes, i feel unwanted. (maybe it's more unnoticed. what's the point of you telling me that you want not to care anymore when you the total 180 of it? it's sickening to the core and i'm disgusted with your actions. don't tell me you want to do this, but in the end you do that. it's slutty. seriously. another thing, i hate it when you are suppose to do something together but in the end(last minute) you cancel it to do something with someone else.)
  5. no, i feel very blessed to be here. even though i'm suffering. (life is about suffering, but i'm truly blessed to have a saviour in my life. He gave his life for us and i should count my blessings to be one of his child.)
  6. no, i do have friends and "friends". i'm blessed, truly blessed to have you in my life. (friends like the npk darlings don't come easily, i want to take this opportunity to thank you for being in my life thus far, listening to my complains, rants and whining; putting up with my constant *tuut* and my character *trust me, i'm not an easy person to be with*. even those that are superficial, thank you for at least pretending to be my friend at put up with my superficiality and complains. those that are just plain friends, lets be friends and not plastic friends.)
  7. no, i will survive and not give up. (life isn't that easy to start with. so why stop now?)
  8. so what if you take me for a ride or for granted? (i'm so used to it that i feel numb. you can do all of the above for all i care. as long as i know that my pillars in life will stand by me, i will survive and shine!)
  9. he still loves me. you still love me. i am blessed to be here and one of child. (what will we do without grace? even though we are not worthy, but lord will still love us. even though we are not perfect or good enough. He will still be there. yes, we do wrong and shunned by the world but the lord has still been good to me. even though i ain't good enough he still loves me.)
  10. NO! I AM LOVED AND NOTICED! (i am loved by my PARENTS, RELATIVES, FRIENDS and GOD. i know i am, and i count my blessings. even though so far, life has been like *tuut*, at least i have you all to look forward to, to turn to when i need help or at least a shoulder to cry on or a ear to talk to. and you all should know that i would do the same for you all too.)

oh, did i mention how i hate that my hunches come true?

I.HATE.IT.

i don't like being always right about everything. it spoils the fun, the sadness and the anger.

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Sunday, March 04, 2007
//♥ sunday morning breakfast blog
3/04/2007

Sunday morning...

it's the best time..

why?

you can sleep in until as long as you want..

today it's Alea's and Akashah's Anniversary.. so a shout out to them!!
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!! and i have to get out of the house.. because of them.. oh well.. it only comes once in a year.. so hopefully they have many years to come..

I'm having my breakfast now.. and it's the healthiest breakfast this week! it consist of only fruits!! 2 persimmons, half a huge pear, a handful of grapes and a slice of papaya.. wow!! now isn't that something??? heehee....

anyways,

i met up with nenek yesterday.. and we both had a gala time FEASTING!!!! muahahahaha... i went over to USJ2 to pick her up and brought her to Alexis to makan.. she had a Vietnamese beef noodle, i had fish n' chips... and as for desert, we had a chocolate mousse and a tiramisu.. with an addition trip to haagen dazz for ICE-CREME!! rum raisins.. both our favourites!!! muahahahaha... totally blew my diet for nenek.. hahahaha... i really enjoyed the makan time.. even though at the end of the day we were rushing back.. but we still enjoyed!!!
ohoh, and i learnt a new bus route to USJ2!! just sit the T63 bus from KL sentral and i'll reach nenek's doorstep!!! muahahahaha... the best thing is.. it only cost me RM2!!! rather sitting the KTM and another bus to reach her house..

side tracking a little here..

i know that the government is trying to promote English to the masses.. and the only few way to learn and master the language is to read, write and speak.. but seriously.. if you can't speak, DON'T!! do you know how "MALUFYING" is it? to hear putrid english coming out of some malay speaking community? you think it's so bladdy cool to speak english.. but do you know how bad your speech was? and you came up with your own language!! you even laugh at your own english.. do you have no shame??? would you be able to stop polluting our ENGLISH language? just stick to your bahasa melayu!! you laugh at our pronunciation but we can't laugh ar yours? is there any logic in that?

if you lose your footing.. you just say, "oh, I'm sorry. i lost my footing.." you don't say, "oh, I'm FLYING", then your friend says, "flying without wings.." huh??? paraphrasing a song tittle or lyric is not the way to speaking and mastering ENGLISH!! oh and another thing, DO NOT EVER SPEAK IN AN ABSOLUTELY F-A-K-E ACCENT!!! it's not cool!! it's horrible!!! and not to mention embarrassing!!!

**the above was my feelings when i was in the bus yesterday on my way back.. there was a group of giddy "lala" malay girls... and it's not aimed at anyone but just them!!!**

oh well.. i have to continue researching for my LAN MS assignment(s).. haix.. tomorrow i have a maths test.. and i absolutely detest mathematics!!! why did i take it in the first place?

i have 3 hours of LAN MS tomorrow.. WTF!!! three hours of rotting away.. 3 hours of my life spent doing nothing but staring into blank space... 3 hours of my life that i cannot ever get back... i shall buy Starbucks and bring my lappy tomorrow.. and play BOOKWORM.. ahahahahaha....

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Thursday, March 01, 2007
//♥ untitled
3/01/2007

it's finally thursday.. yesterday we finally found out that results will be out on the 12th of march.. it's exactly 11days to go before doomsday...

yesternight i was swapped with assignments..
i was rushing for my englit assignment until 11.00pm.. i feel asleep and woke up at 2.30am; fell asleep again.. woke up at 3.00am fell asleep again.. and finally i woke up at 5.30am to finish my assignment and to get ready for school.. for once, flora was the one that actually woke me up for school... it's a nice for a change...

oh and after rushing for the englit assignment, it turned out that lit class was CANCELLED... it was such relief yet it is also a pain because it also means i'll soon have REPLACEMENT classes.. haix.. it's such a pain in the *toot*... oh well.. at least i got an early wrap up for the day.. heehee..

going back on my random topics...

who says your dream get up will never come true? i finally caught some guys that actually wore the kind of get up... so shuai!!! don't know whether the guy good looking or not.. but it's the get up that i'm interested in.. heehee... it really do come true..

and don't you think it's really funny how life takes a turn and how you can laugh at one minute and feel miserable the next? when you so badly need to see someone, but that someone just keep missing you? and when you so feel like hiding and shunning away from that person but you just keep meeting up? isn't it just weird? it sometimes actually painful.

besides that, have you ever wondered how thick can one persons face be?
would you join a group for lunch even if you are uninvited?
would you be totally oblivious to what people say about you?
would you even consider eavesdropping?
it really amazes me that some people are really that thick skinned, and oblivious to the core!!

how do they live day by day?
hmm.. won't that be a case study to take into consideration?

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Wednesday, February 21, 2007
//♥ random
2/21/2007

This is something random that came to my mind while surfing the web.. god will only know the reason i'm actually posting this... i think it's the songs i listen to and the rants of my friends that are attached sorta inspired me to write about what i want in a relationship...

he has to be caring.
he has to be understanding.
he has to be supportive, both physically and emotionally.
he has to be able to talk well. Refine in his mannerism.
he has to be able to carry himself well.
he has to be able to at least cook a decent meal. (instant noodles don't count!)
he has to be able to look after and clean after himself. (because i can't do that well)
in short -
he has to be independent.

then again,

he can't be a momma's boy.
(imagine he following every wish of his dearest mommy..)
he can't be a "bai zan qi".
(can you imagine him being fairer than you???)
he can't be a lump of fat and sloppy.
(at least be fit.. no need muscles.. just not flabby)
he can't be shorter than me.
(i'm already so short.. imagine he being shorter than me?)
he can't be a smoker.
(totally unacceptable!!! it's bad for the his health, the people around him and the environment)


however,

I'm a materialistic person, so physical appearance don't really bother me... but i don't think i'll be able to just go for money.. so, maybe he has to look at least decent and presentable. erm, age really don't matter to me, but i wouldn't mind if he was older..

sadly, matters of the heart never goes your way most of the time. it's a checklist that you can't get what you demand. it's not economics where there is a supply and demand and a market equilibrium. he may be fair.. but oh well.. doesn't matter that much la.. heehee...

on the other hand...

I mean thinking of it, no one is perfect, everyone is an individual and are unique in their own way.. so my Mr.Right might not be yours and your Mr.Right might not be mine. After all, another person's meat is another person's poison.
Quoting from my EngLit teacher, Ms Caroline, there is no such thing as a guy with perfect social grace. A person that is refine, simple and elegant - a person that is non-existent. So this actually means the dream guy of a person is literally "dream" guy.. is there anything to look forward to?

Then again, it's the flaws in person that makes them dependant on another person. after all, if you two were made for each other, you two complete each other. which means, a negative and a positive equates neutral. heehee... lame la... so, there is actually something to look forward to in order to complete your life..

This goes to show that God actually encourages you to dream.. there is nothing wrong in dreaming.. it lets you unwind, relax and let you look into the goodness in our meaningless life on Earth.. it makes our miserable life much more exciting and colourful..

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THE girl






its me

I dreamed a dream in time gone by. When hope was high and life worth living. I dreamed that love would never die. I dreamed that God would be forgiving. Then I was young and unafraid. And dreams were made and used and wasted. There was no ransom to be paid. No song unsung, no wine untasted.

byes(:

nenek(stephanie)
munmunie(waimun)
jen(sujen)
vaggie(joylyn)
chowchow(sa ra)
Roomie(alea)
Monkey(Lina)
Shanlei(esther)
Kath(katheryn)
President(karleng)
Pretty stuffs!!(Yilin)
Kimsng(Kimmy)
W3!(weiyan)
W3!(weiyan)
Lynn(suelynn)
Melly(M el Tan)
Qabir
The Flasher(Jason)
Ming
Si wei
Wendy
Vineeta
Sarah Chen
Sarah Camariah
John Lee
Sabrina K
Pei Jean
Balqis
Unite For the Children! (unicef)
The ONE Campaign!